Death of a woman

Between the first cry and the last sigh
Years of existence floated
From pig tails to rustle of soft silks and faint perfumes
Love, rejection, care and comfort
Little hands clutching the fingers
Laughter and tears mingling with the soul

Journey in search of ever distancing joy
Dreams that piled as high as the sky
Possibilities of walking thru the space
Of dancing in the moonlight
Drawing a seven figure salary
Enriching smell of baking bread

Right foot heavy on the accelerator
Gears that cry to go up a notch
Flashing sights of life passing by
The journey went on for years and years
In preparation for the final deliverance
The ultimate destiny and a beginning

Her kohl darkened eyes smiled
At the god riding the buffalo
She fell in love at first sight of him and his dark smile
At last, it’s the start of something real!
Safe in his strong arms
Untouchable by the fluid fire of illusion called life
A woman born.

Soundless words

Don’t say anything more
Enough sounds
Camouflaging as words have echoed
In the bottomless valley of a heart
It’s now a blissful stillness
The being dances as if in a trance
A single string of a violin plays
There is no place for words
Whispers that promised so much
Under a dim lamp,
Fades into nothingness no sooner than said
All that is left is the painful burden
Of an unshed tear in the eye
A thousand screams muted
Memories that need to be picked up in a dust pan
Rolling waves of unknown heat
Let there be some soothing winds
Blowing in from unknown seas
Please don’t say anything
Anymore.

Verses - 2

Heat of a new sun strikes straight on my brow
And I search for shades of peace
Or better still, cooling towers to bury my head
A little bird flapped its tiny wings ..
To fly out and find the skies of freedom
In a cage of ribs that creaked under empty days
Emotions continue to flap trimmed wings
For the soul to break free and fly
No scream is let out
No tears allowed to roll down my cheeks
It’s a space of nothingness
That speaks volumes ever so silently
Scratches of conversations from past
Haunt the inner corridors of a listless mind
Shadows of some joy
Lurking behind the pillars of reality
A child’s laughter that came from far
A silent strength that forgot to hold me close
A song that died from within and
A god with a meaningless smile on the wall

Verses - One

The waves of uncertain waters raise and fall like scales of music
Music that sang of only an unnamed ache
Hands reach out to hold on to the once familiar pillar of strength
All that come in the palm is emptiness and hollow pain
The circles get more concentric and never ending
The mind feels like an empty house that is never rented out
No answers and worse still no questions either
Why is it so difficult to hear and say what is true and so much there?

Tender raindrops run down my car window
And I sit there waiting for a new beginning
Knowledge of more emptiness filling up my clouded mind
And yet the heart holding on to the dream that is

People walk the wet side walk
Sodium vapour lamps draining the blood off their face
People with lives to live and in a hurry to do so
While I sit here in eternal wait

Let's walk a few miles

Here is a mud strewn path
An arc of emerald keeping away the summer sun
A lost kitten crying fear
Pebbles of life’s dreams strewn around
Do not tread on them my friend
Hold my hand
And let us walk a few miles..

Speak ….for words, they say can sing
Tell me the story of unborn hopes
Meanwhile
Peal the first of a thousand masks from your face
Let me see you, just you
Garish backdrop of life and world should go
My eyes need to travel each crevice of your skin
Find the hidden sonnets of your being
Let’s walk a few miles my friend..

Yesterday a myna prayed to the sky
That she be left alone to sing any tuneless song
For she wants the joy of her heart to be free of any fetters
She follows us as we walk
To add her story to yours while you stammer truths
There is no struggle, no fights
When you walk this path
No fear of survival and strength needed

Past never catches up unless you sit and wait on a rock
Tomorrow is at the end of a green tunnel
Feel the mud under your feet
This is today, all we are allowed to live
Take a sip of mineral water from the plastic bottle
Your parched throat when quenched
Will tell you this is now and you are alive
Keep walking, each step will tell you a new tale

Your sweat smells of fear in this winter mist
I can’t help the faint smile that flash in my eyes
How do I tell you this is just the beginning?
And you give up all for holding those masks firm on your face
Leave the rivulets of sad stories and blame behind
Shed those fancy shoes of yours
Yours you say is too big for me and mine will bite you!
Have the bare skin under your feet touch the raw red mud
And let us walk few miles thru the middle of this earth

Road

Black tar
Milling birds on an electric wire
Mountains sluggishly moving backward
Breeze on her face
Sun burning her arm
Twists and turns that remind of life
She is on the road

Horns that blare
Dust that swirl in and out of a car window
Gears that shift from low to high
Wipers cleaning a view of what’s ahead
An angry lorry driver
Cursing his life
A slow honeymooner

Tiny shop and smiling old tooths
Filter coffee that cost few coins
Biscuits I ate when I was a kid
Winds from the sea smelling of salt and fish
She is on the road
The road that goes no place
Showing her the world

Scarlet screen

Vermillion spilt over the sky
Color of the walls of my heart
On its smooth surface
If you look too close, you will see
Scratches with blood oozing thru
Never ending flow of pain
Intermittent sighs of love
Reels unfolding of nightmares
Projected on a scarlet wall

There could be a snack break
You could sip soft drink
Steaming of my dreams that melted away
Bite into a piece of my soul
And look around to see a familiar face
Before another scene, another act begin

Silhouettes of love, romance and hurt
Will cloud your eyes and darken your sight
Hold on, don’t go
Let us together write that final scene
Create a show, never before played
I want to hear the unending applause
To feel many voices fill my space
To return from exile
To see eyes and faces I knew once … long back.

FIVE

Tiny waves
Push past my toes
I see a shadow
Of night’s loneness
Weaving its way home
Time stands and then moves
So quickly like a handful of sand
Slipping thru my fingers


Can some one make it all go
Way past where I can see no more
So that I can sing again
Songs of my heart
And not watch the snail die a slow death
Within its transparent shell

Nothing can take
The empty shell
Away from its soul
And yet a fear of impending loss

Life crawls thru endless days
And nights that never seem to see a moon

Hold on to the wave
Don’t let it go back crying to the bosom of its ocean

Maihar

The winding dusty roads lay exhausted
I sat looking out thru the car window
At a bush bathed in dust and a crow scrutinizing a dead rat
Journey back to the past of a school dorm
I sit here waiting for years to roll back
For the phone to ring of directions

Her eyes had mist clinging to the corners
Her slender neck sans any jewelry
And unpainted finger nails perfectly shaped
The princess who returned home
To the empty shell of royalty left forgotten

Please, I prayed to someone above
Make this screen go away …

I look at the thin veins showing thru her pearly skin
On her cheeks that had many rivers of pain flow down
I hold her hand in mine
We go back to the blue tunic and black naughty-boy shoes
A dark wood cupboard and Julius Ceaser notes
Malida made of stale chappaties
Cadbury’s chocolates smuggled in ..
And watercolor canvasses of Sunday afternoons
A lone myna we hated, picking at the front yard
Two teenage girls lost in the years of growing up

The temple stood proud on the hill
We walked up the steps that brought salvation to many
All knowing goddess smiled thru her bridal finery
We prayed that we live and forgot to ask for mercy

Climbing up the old marble staircase
Looking at the fierce face of painted Rajputs on the wall
I am lost in corridors of time that refused to go away
I listen to her silent sighs and see the gleam of unshed tears
We sat in the twilight on the terrace
Watching Maihar slip to a summer slumber
And sang with the ghosts of women who died in the wells
And slipped into a silence only friends can hear
Wishing for superman to come and take us on a flight of the universe

To you my son

Its not your choice but my dreams that you are here
Your eyes tell of a million dreams that I burned
The fire in them makes me go on
The love in them and the complete trust
How do I hold it and never let go -
When I know there is a whole world waiting for you
My breasts fill with warm droplets of affection
And I can no longer see you grow
To lose innocence of faith and careless smiles
To drink in the world of deceit and untruth
Of faith that carries its own corpse
And dreams fried in heat of misdeeds

May the sky be your canvass and you draw the rainbow
Everyday to live a meaning
May the gods smile in your eyes
And the angles sing in your every word

The dried blood of an umbilical chord that screamed
A score years ago, should now whisper a song of independence
Let you be the you, a part of nothing but the universe
And not hold you back from your tomorrow

Live my son and go on
The world waits for you and your smile
I shall keep the broken wheel of a toy car
A drawing of a happy child dancing
A yo yo that is with out a string
A book of fables dog eared.

You are me and no longer me
And I am what you made me to be.

White

Among the wooden pillars of my ancestral home
I see a figure in white
Do not touch
Do not go close
The moment will fade in just a minute

The warm eastern winds are bad for my skin
They rob the moisture and no cream can heal
Skin peels off and you see the veins
Arteries forget to carry oxygen anymore
She tells me to go inside my room to rest

Pictures on the wall reminisce a world of power
I am afraid of legacies that need to be carried on
Much of my mind is taken up by those on the walls
Rest is lost in the moment that is
Stolen by the dreams of tomorrow

My eyes wander over the wooden ceiling
Nice little squares some one many ages ago designed
Each seen by many before me
Each left a little dream in every of those little squares
I get mine embossed unseen too

The pulley screams pain as water is drawn from a well
Birds hurry to their homes before sundown
The mighty western ghats sigh of another day gone
Listen to the silence of a crowded village…
It sings a song of an age that died a slow death

I am resting, running away from the eastern wind
That comes rushing thru the mountain pass
Its good for the crops, the pests on paddy is blown away
But I can not afford to let my skin be peeled
I need to keep my shape intact

She comes in and whispers its time to get up
And say my evening payers to the gods
Who are busy listening to million other prayers in any case
She tells me to push my days ahead
To things and places that she never got to see
I say yes
I get up and start my walk
My journey to the world that is mine and mine alone
That she gifts to her grand child
All of her and what her children didn’t want

Did you know the color of pain is white?

Coffee with me

A serpent rose from the coffee cup
Snaked its way up towards the skies above
Colorless and yet with a rainbow hidden
The aroma of Arabica will now will your nostrils

Listen to the good old shehanai
Playing on an overrated, overpriced music system
You can share my coffee but not my space
You can sit and listen to my mind wandering
My heart singing of days long gone
And even hold my hand to stop it from trembling

This cigarette will slowly burn
Smoke trail making love to the coffee’s sigh in the air
Tattered magazine read only by passing breeze
Your cellphone screaming with people who fetter you
A car key and my lost dreams
All scattered on this tiny wood table

Say no words and make no judgments
Just be
And stop your stupid ritual of becoming a friend
A teenager with boredom on his dark face
Will namelessly give you your cup too
Sip the steam
And drown in the valley of merkara
And I shall sit miles across the table watching you…